K.I.S.P

Best friend to the acronym K.I.S.S but instead of stupid at the end, it's professional. (yes that's right.... keep it simply professional). What could this post possibly be about you wonder... it's just what you think it's about.
It has been my misfortune to encounter distasteful service at least once or twice a month. But today, I think my luck has changed... at least in this one department.

Today I got my eyebrows waxed and the women that usually does them wasn't there today. I was kinda scared to let this new lady do them, because I mean it's a mixed bag with them. You either get one that absolutely sucks and should just stick to washing feet and doing hands, a normal one, you get the perfectionist who will pluck the shit outta your eyebrows if they don't look the way she wants them too (I actually like these the best...even though I wanna kill her throughout the process), or you get the one that I usually get.... the stinky one. In this case I got a perfectionist AND she smelled like Dove lotion. (that's a plus) I was happy my original lady didn't come in... even though she does a good job on my eyebrows... sometimes she's rather.......pungent. I think it's the food she eats though... because she's never been musty or anything like that. It's like she's always just finished her lunch break when I come in, and I never come in at the same time! I just wanna know why she can't take the time to wash her hands or throw a mint/piece of gum in her mouth before she starts seeing customers. I mean it takes like a minute. It's especially the worst when her breath smells bad and she INSIST on talking to the other workers. While i'm underneath her dying she's sharing the longest monologue ever... makes me not even wanna tip her at the end.

Another shocking service that I've encountered was this past summer when I went to this OB/GYN my mom recommended I go to. She was a very very good doctor and very knowledgeable but (always a but...) tell me why this chick had on a sheer blouse (if she didn't have that white bra on I would have seen her boobs) and some tight ass khaki slacks. In addition to her less than tasteful choice of clothing for the day... her breath was quite fowl (but i'll cut her some slack, it was 8 in the morning). I wanted to ask her if she was serious wit that outfit... I know she's making more than enough money to buy a shirt that isn't transparent and some pants that don't show every dimple in her ass.

Sigh... I don't know what's up wit some people nowadays. One of the first things my momma taught me was to be presentable, especially in a working environment. But if it wasn't for these people this blog would not have been written and that moment of laughter I experienced afterward would just be a figment of my imagination.

Any Room 4 Me?

What's one of the most intimidating situations for a black man who's by himself? (and this has nothing to do with police) Being in a room full of opinionated, independant, educated black women. In a room full of black women, the topic of black men is inevitable. It's not like it's a planned discussion...they just come up because there is always some grievance a woman wants to hash over. And if it's not expressed in conversation, you read about it. I've come across blogs, papers, essays, forums, or whatever you can write on... and I've witnessed many a female inquire about "why do men do this, and why do men do that?" Well ladies... I think I have a scintilla of an answer.... Can you say EGO?

Yes that's right... the male ego. Big as fuck but fragile as hell (ain't that some shit?) They got all this ego.... but let someone challenge it or crush it, they ready to whoop ass and soothe their ego later. It's actually quite amusing and rather pitiful. I remember reading this girl's blog and she asked an array of questions, but the one that stuck out to me was one that I've talked about with my friends not to long ago. She asked " why do black men call women bitches after they reject their advances?" Well now you kno the answer... his ego was shitted on (HAHAHAHAHAHA! oh men... ur so effete). He's trying to deface you like you defaced him...but little does he know his words fall on stalwart ears. Yea... hearing that may rattle you a little but then you reflect and realize you're not a bitch... there are many aspects of your life that validate the fact that you're not one. There are countless examples of uncalled for behavior but i'm only going to express one more popular situation (I could be here all day talkin bout these niggas).

I think most if not all women have gone through this next one (if you haven't... just wait, it'll happen eventually); when a man asks you to have sex with him (or suggests it some other way) and you decline. Oh boy... you better watch out. I feel that's like the ultimate slap in the face for them. They put in all this effort, money and time into taking you out and such, being a gentleman (maybe) and then at the end of the night expect some ass... (boy please) I really don't know why that's the expected payback... you should be satisfied that I just took time out of my day to listen to you talk about yourself (awesome date). Anyways... this happened to a friend of mine, she refused to give up the poon, and the men retaliated by doing awful things to her. It's like they'll do anything to make you feel as bad as they do...but their ego can't be hurt too bad because they back at it the next damn day, terrorizing the next chick (or you). For lack of a better word it's frustrating.
Lastly, the thing that really gets me is when men have a wife or girlfriend, come home from work and expect that wife or girlfriend to massage his ego and calm his fears from "the big bad world." I know as a wife it's part of your duty to support and be there for your husband but damn... It's not like she didn't have a rough day either (more than likely it was worse than his). She's supposed to set aside her issues to deal with his issues.... I challenge men to get some mental toughness. Rejection is a natural part of life... when it happens, it's not the end of the world. That ego has got to go or it needs to be controlled... because the way things are goin now.... My Lord....

Unrealistic Expectations

As a child I was a huge fan of Disney movies. You couldn't tell me I wasn't Princess Jasmine... (that was my bitch). I had this undying devotion to them, anytime a movie came out I had to see it or I had to have it. I've seen the classics all the way up to the newfangled works Disney has created. But I believe the Disney movies people are most familiar with are: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, and Snow White (i'm not really a Snow White fan... it was quite boring and so was Sleeping Beauty). All these movies had the same underlying theme which included falling in love and having a fairytale ending.

Now... I didn't know any better when I was little watching these movies that things really don't happen this way. I just knew when I got older I was gonna find that Prince Charming... that Knight in Shining Armor (boy was I wrong). Some(I think i'm cuttin them too much slack) of these men/boys out here nowadays are the bullshit. You would never hear Eric say no shit like "when you gon' let me dig in them cheeks?" or find out Aladdin had three baby mommas, 4 kids and one on the way. I kno i'm exaggerating quite a bit and comparing real people with animations but, the animations are created by real people and so have human qualities. I'm not saying that they should just be outright offensive and just put anything up on the screen ( I know Disney has an image to keep up) but do all movies need a happy ending? Why do all the couples get together? As if life really works that way... there have been many men that I've met but ain't no sparks fly. There might have been a chase but in the end it was a waste of time (for me) because they usually ended up bein assholes. But, I'm not bitter... actually, I should have known better and listened to my better judgement. The women didn't look like me... they were all white (with the exception of Pocahontas and Jasmine but they weren't black either). When they finally had the chance to make one with Black people they make the movie about animals (great job Disney... I know they are coming how with one soon though). I should have known then there was no chance for me... which is fine.

As my final words I would like to say this.... FUCK YOU DISNEY... fuck you for giving me and many other innocent, naive children hopes that one day we would meet our Prince Charming, fall madly in love and live happily ever after. You have virtually ruined my love life and set a standard for 95% of men to fail.... Damn what would we do without you?