Krackin' the Kode

It's not wrong to want to do things a certain way... for the most part, it's expected. Some people's methods of handling situations are more efficacious than others... done more promptly, so on and so forth.

So, what's the point of my babble? Well, i'm going to take a krack at unlocking the safe inside my head. Maybe if it's tangible... i'll be able to sort some things out.

Lets see...

It always helps me to outline then fill in where its necessary. I have insekurities out of this world, I'm too nice, I kompromise to the point that I inkonvenience myself, I'm too kritical... of myself, I let people's opinion of me go to far... whether it be real or the result of my own neurosis.

I. B gettin kracked out
A) Insekurities out of this world
1. I would have to say this is the problem that is on krack for me. I mean I know it's normal
for a person to have insecurities... but damn.
2. They keep me from really living the life that I want to live. I'm just generally dissatisfied
with a lot of things in my life... well actually the parts that I konsider a person to be
"grown up."
3. I'm not too sure when they got out of kontrol... But if I had to start a timeline somewhere
I'd have to start in Elementary school. I got teased a lot growing up... typical child stuff. It
continued all the way up to maybe my junior year in high school. There was a blip in
college, but by this time, I was kind of fed up wit the bullshit. It hurt, but I don't think I
internalized it like I had in the past. Knowing me... I probably did. Let me stop denying
(Possible crack?)
B) I'm too nice/ I kompromise myself to the point that I inkonvenience myself
1. With this one... I know that being nice is just a huge part of me. It's not going anywhere. I
wouldn't know how to be a mean person.
2. I do believe that I lack a sense of assertiveness. I need to get me some of that.
3. I hate to see that hurt look on people's faces or hear the disappointment in their voice
so I try and make them happy.
4. I have a love hate relationship with people... I love people and want to do all I can to help,
make a small part of their life just a little easier ( Life is F'n hard). But I also hate people
because they make it really hard for people like me to want to exist.
C) Too kritical/ Opinions
1. I'm too kritical on myself because in a twisted way... that's how I show my love for myself.
2. I make it my business to notice all my flaws before anyone else does, so I can come up
with all the negative things you kould possibly say to me. If I've prepared myself already
the sting isn't as painful.
3. Since I've become such a guarded person, I'm hypervigilant about tryin to figure out
what people think of me. The process is totally unneccesary but it's become an obsession.
4. We live in a very judgemental and kontradictory kulture... all I want to do is be myself
and I feel like I kan't because myself isn't good enough.

It seems as if I have it all figured out... and all that I'd have to do is tell myself to suck it up, get out more, chill out and have some fun. This is true... I do need to do these things and I plan too. I guess what I'm saying is... I want to see if all the things that I think will make me happy will work.

I always believed that you know yourself better than anybody... and that you know what's best for you (most of the time). I've come to the consensus that I do need to go and talk to somebody... but after I see how my plan works out.

MESSAGE!

Have you ever walked around and saw a group of dudes... and all but ONE of the guys was uncommonly homely? Doesn't that piss you off? Or better yet... you want the cute guy to come and talk to you, but the coonest negro in the bunch, takes it upon himself to bring his unwanted ass over there to you, to try and hook you up with somebody who looks just as worse as him, or he's trynna talk to you himself... (I believe almost every black girl can testify to this shit).

What I don't understand is... why is this the case? It's very easy to find a group of all attractive females, but you'll be hard pressed to find a group of all attractive males.

I asked my dad this question... and asked if he was apart of a group that was similar to the aforementioned one. He couldn't really say... He told me that he never really thought about it. So could this possibly one answer? Do guys really look more so at what a guy brings to the friendship rather than his looks?

Or is it an effort to command all the attention? Do men subconsciously seek out unattractive friends so they will be perceived as being more attractive than if they were associated with any other group? I kno I've been fooled before... I thought this one dude was cute, but then when I saw him again in a different context (walkin by himself) and I was like omg... what the fuck was I thinkin before. This dude is not what I remember seeing (In actuality it really was... but since he was surrounded by tragedy I didn't know any better).

Ha... I remember this other time my friend invited one of her co-workers over and he brought some friends with him. My friend texted us that his friends were no where near attractive and that we should lock ourselves in our rooms (we figured that if there was nobody to talk to then they'd leave quicker). So, they come in and one of them was like "where are ur friends?" (they said he was decent looking) and she was like "they sleep...y'all should probably go." They kept tellin her and my mother friend that they should wake us up and come and talk to them.

Moral of the story (I don't wanna bore you wit that long ass memory)... it helps to have a group of attractive friends.... AT LEAST 2 of y'all should be decent. I mean is it that difficult? It's as if they don't consider the possibilities... Like if one of your friends is talkin to someone and they invite you to come on a double date or something and he brings his friend and..... he's the bullshit. It just kinda sucks (I'm not sayin dudes don't have the same experience but... I have a feeling they aren't as frequent).

I know this particular entry makes me seem like I'm super shallow... and to a certain extent, yeah I am. But for real everybody is. You may deny it, but if you think about some of your actions, you'll see the underlying cause may be slightly superficial.

Stinky Cheese

Twitter - texting what you are currently doing in less that 140 characters.

What is this world coming to? Why must we disclose such unimportant information? And most importantly, is your life that unfulling that you sit there are read about someone taking a shit? Its bad enough having that crack which is Facebook (or whatever social network you use). I just don't understand what the fascination is wiht it. I can understand how AIM, facebook, Myspace and texting became so big. But this? Not so much...

It's so funny how simple people can be. Do they not realize what they've done? They have just created the stalkers dream (not that it hasn't already been done). They have made it that much easier for them. I've already witnessed some stalkerish behavior from some of my friends and others through that whole chat thing on Facebook (which gets on my nerves). They can pretty much track down the person's movement or the location in which htey think they may be. It's just craziness in my opinion...

Honestly, I could care less what people are currently doing... the only time I really want to know what's going on is if I need to talk to you or your well being is at stake.

We had this discussion in class today about it and most people agreed that the idea was stupid. The professor brought up a point that I have been considering since text messaging started. She was saying how she said this honor student told her that they hadn't written a paper in two years... TWO YEARS! Honor student...ridiculous.

Although I'm not a huge fan of writing papers, I do know there is some significance in it. When you write, it shows that you have some level of sophistication about a subject. You are able to take a concept and portray it in a way that is conducive to your understanding. If you can write about it... I believe you've got it down packed. With tests... you can't do that ( I hate tests!). Tests don't accurately assess what you know. It shows how great your memory is ( late night cramming for instance).

Anywho... back to the demise or communication as we know it...

I don't even want to image how society is going to operate when my kids are grown... I know that learning how to write will be one of the first things to go, it's already started. Remember we had to learn how to write in cursive? Yeah... those were the good ol' days but they are no more. I don't think they teach cursive anymore. They say that it's irrelevant, because it's not really used in life... (bullshit)

I feel another blog entry brewing... cuz I don't want this one to get too long winded.

Why so Pedestrian?

What exactly is white culture? Can somebody help me?

If you were to sit back and think about it... take all of the racial, ethnic, and other cultural influences out of the equation... what are they really left with? Let's break it down... Honestly, this discussion is not very long because there are two points that just put this to bed (But, for kicks I'm gonna drag it out).

1st point: There would be no country for them to reign their terror on. As we all [should] know, this country was already discovered by the Native Americans.

2nd point: Had it NOT been for the Native Americans being so nice and teaching them how to live here (i.e planting crops and such) they would have died before they even had a chance to do anything (By the way, that thank you, you have them was just grand!).

Think about it...

Moving right along... Ok so lets say they actually did discover the America, had it not been for the slaves that built this country, there would be nothing for them to run (ha... yet another bed layer).

When you look at the food they eat, I cannot think of one that all their own (green bean casserole maybe?). I was going to give them hamburgers, but then one of my friends informed me that hamburgers were a Greek food. I feel like people get Southern food mixed up with white culture... Southern food is another name for black influence (The recipe for fried chicken was thought up by a white person?? Come on now).

I believe the black influence on white music is obvious, as well as the way in which some of them dress. I looked up white culture on google and looked at some of the pictures they had posted... there was nothing that really told a story about their culture. However, I was slightly intrigued by this one picture of this white guy in baggy clothes, a hat and a chain around his neck and underneath the picture it read "...huge in urban white culture. " The word urban is an indication that it has a black influence all up and through it... Baggy clothes and chains are mostly seen in hip hop and rap videos or "gansta culture."

I recently learned that the women's movement really took off around the time the civil rights movement happend. I know that black women were also involved in the women's movement but, would that movement be as powerful if the civil rights movement did not take place at the same time? Would women be in the same place they're in now?

I guess what this all boils down to is I'm sick of other races and ethnicities gettin shitted on like our ancestors weren't the ones who made white people what they are today. What is that?

You Playin' Right?!

I'd like to address a question that has been going back and forth across and among the sexes for going on decades (it seems like). A question that has a right obvious answer, but I have yet to hear somebody say it. Both sides are right for their answers... so why not put them together? JUST GET THE TO THE F'N QUESTION! you say?? well you got it...

"Is it the size of the ride, or the motion of the ocean?" For those who don't understand... Does size matter? YES Does movement matter? Definately. So there you go... an answer. Bottom line is you need both to have a fulfilling sexual experience. If you don't believe me ... I can try and break it down.

I understand better by examples so lets use a couple. Ok so you're with ur boyfriend, buddy, partner... whatever the case and y'all are doin ur thing and homeboy is really puttin in some work. You respect his effort but you just don't feel anything. So if bitty looks at you and is like "get off me...(disapproving look)" don't get mad. I understand your feelings, ego whatever... are hurt. But you must understand that you can move as much as you want, however you want... hell you can throw in a few circus moves just for kicks, but it means nothing if you're packing a french fry...get my drift?

Ok next example... you're with ur boo y'all goin at it and homeboy is packin (or something moderate) but... he ain't doin not a damn thing wit it ( waste of time...). So... he's lookin at you like "why aren't you moanin?" and you lookin at him like " Nigga why ain't you movin?!" yea... nothing's gettin done here. You both get up wholly unstatisfied and mad as hell. It's just not a good look.

But I will say this... It is much easier to teach a man how to move and pleasure you. All you need is some time and someone who is willing to take some helpful criticism. You can't teach someone to get a bigger package... You can buy stuff to pump it up or get surgery but... yea that's the extent of your help (genetics suck sometimes).

Last tidbit I'd like to bring up is the whole eating thing... If you happen to be one of those dudes who is lacking in some department... you must, MUST make up for it with eating. Ain't nothing worse...... than gettin wit a dude, and findin out he doesn't do that. ESPECIALLY if the pipe game ain't shit. Just to let you know... ur a waste...(fill that in wit whatever ). My guess is that you don't fully understand the perks of the activity. So i'll fill you in. Great view, can be taught if you suck, a turn on for you, and praise that you will never know about from the female community. Why be an ass and turn that down? Be smart... do the right thing.

25 Reasons to Love Me...

SO... If you're a fellow facebooker like myself... then you kinda know what this post is all about. I've read a couple of other people's random facts and i thought to myself "hey, I want to do one to!" But, it took me awhile to finally get up the courage to make one, because I was really trynna think of things about me that are in fact.... random. Cuz I know I've look over some that weren't random facts at all... or it just wasn't interesting. Well... here's my chance to show my stuff... hope you enjoy!

1. The blue pack of Starburts bothers me because there are like two good flavors in it(Waste money much?).

2. I get jealous of people who have that Power Rangers ringtone (you know the alert?).

3. One time I had this dream where I dropped a bar of soap in the toilet and when I woke up, I told my mom what happened and she totally didn't believe me... and I got in trouble.

4. I think being a meterologist is an unfulfilling job.

5. If I were a boy, I'd' be a whore.

6. I feel grades are pointless, they prove nothing.

7. I make orgasmic sounds and my eyes roll back when I eat something really good.

8. I laugh at almost everything. Especially when people trip and stuff.

9. And when I laugh... it's pretty damn serious. My stomach is tight and I'm crying.

10. I've always wanted to get with a corny, goofy white boy, just to see the look on people's faces.

11. My friends and I went to Laser Quest and I ran full speed into a wall.

12. I believe if I wasn't such a nice person, then maybe my life wouldn't be so boring.

13. I don't like when I'm walkin down the street and random ass men tell me to smile (funny thing is I usually smile... as not to look like a complete ass).

14. I believe there is a such thing as a stupid question.

15. I don't like people but yet I want to be a psychologist.

16. I think Sandy is pointless on Spongebob Squarepants.

17. Mickey Mouse is my husband.

18. I abhor Minnie Mouse... she's not good enough for Mickey and I'll never understand why he got with her.

19. I believe that deep down every man wants to fuck a black woman.

20. My favorite pornstar is Jada Fire... she's AMAZING!

21. It bothers my when people try and cough all cute and quiet ( just cough dammit!)

22. # 18 is probably so retarded... but i'm so serious about it.

23. I don't like when unattractive people have crappy personalities.

24. When I'm by myself, I often have full on conversation with myself.

25. I wrote this list while in one of my classes...

A Blessing and a Curse

-" It seems as if you equate dysfunction with humanity..."
-"True...but there's more to it..."








Recently, I was reading one of my textbooks for class and it started off with an interesting quote from the former president of the APA. It said:

"Human beings want to have meaning. They want to wake up in the morning with a gnawing realization that they are fidgeting until they die."

This got me to thinkin... and kinda confirmed what I've been thinking for awhile. Biologically yes.... I am a human being. I walk upright, I pump warm blood, I have a highly functional brain that is capable of carrying out complex tasks, I have opposable thumbs.... I am aware.

But what is the point of being a human if you don't feel like one? When I wake up in the morning, I feel like an object. I feel like I'm a blank slate, a white board, a robot...

Well... To my fortune, I stumbled across something that gave me some clairification... my software.
On the back it explained how I am an advanced sort of robot... I have feelings, I'm able to think, I'm extremely specialized in listening and giving advice, I'm able to show empathy, and to sum it all up.... just do things that will make other people feel better. But the best feature is how my design is made to look human, as not to freak anyone out. OH... and I'm a female, so people will feel more comfortable expressing their emotions.

When my Maker designed me, I know He had some plan set out for me... and he made it plain and simple that he wants me to help others. But how can I truly help someone if I don't share their experience? How do you expect me to always have an answer... a solution when I have absolutely no clue how deep their pain is?

You've installed knowledge from psychology books, and relationship books, and you've sent many people to explain a diverse range of problems they were having to me... but that means nothing to me if I cannot truly understand dysfunction.

Life is always the same for me... I walk around pretty much waiting for the next person to come up to me and download their issues. If it's a good day, people try and upload information from me, but they never get much because there are really no files of importance on me.

But, I guess I should look on the bright side. I'm doing a good thing here. I am able to give objective advice back to people because I have no previous experience of my own to cloud it. And not a lot of people can say that...

I was sent here for people... people were not sent here for me. So anytime you think about feelin sorry for me... don't. This is my job.