K.I.S.P

Best friend to the acronym K.I.S.S but instead of stupid at the end, it's professional. (yes that's right.... keep it simply professional). What could this post possibly be about you wonder... it's just what you think it's about.
It has been my misfortune to encounter distasteful service at least once or twice a month. But today, I think my luck has changed... at least in this one department.

Today I got my eyebrows waxed and the women that usually does them wasn't there today. I was kinda scared to let this new lady do them, because I mean it's a mixed bag with them. You either get one that absolutely sucks and should just stick to washing feet and doing hands, a normal one, you get the perfectionist who will pluck the shit outta your eyebrows if they don't look the way she wants them too (I actually like these the best...even though I wanna kill her throughout the process), or you get the one that I usually get.... the stinky one. In this case I got a perfectionist AND she smelled like Dove lotion. (that's a plus) I was happy my original lady didn't come in... even though she does a good job on my eyebrows... sometimes she's rather.......pungent. I think it's the food she eats though... because she's never been musty or anything like that. It's like she's always just finished her lunch break when I come in, and I never come in at the same time! I just wanna know why she can't take the time to wash her hands or throw a mint/piece of gum in her mouth before she starts seeing customers. I mean it takes like a minute. It's especially the worst when her breath smells bad and she INSIST on talking to the other workers. While i'm underneath her dying she's sharing the longest monologue ever... makes me not even wanna tip her at the end.

Another shocking service that I've encountered was this past summer when I went to this OB/GYN my mom recommended I go to. She was a very very good doctor and very knowledgeable but (always a but...) tell me why this chick had on a sheer blouse (if she didn't have that white bra on I would have seen her boobs) and some tight ass khaki slacks. In addition to her less than tasteful choice of clothing for the day... her breath was quite fowl (but i'll cut her some slack, it was 8 in the morning). I wanted to ask her if she was serious wit that outfit... I know she's making more than enough money to buy a shirt that isn't transparent and some pants that don't show every dimple in her ass.

Sigh... I don't know what's up wit some people nowadays. One of the first things my momma taught me was to be presentable, especially in a working environment. But if it wasn't for these people this blog would not have been written and that moment of laughter I experienced afterward would just be a figment of my imagination.

Any Room 4 Me?

What's one of the most intimidating situations for a black man who's by himself? (and this has nothing to do with police) Being in a room full of opinionated, independant, educated black women. In a room full of black women, the topic of black men is inevitable. It's not like it's a planned discussion...they just come up because there is always some grievance a woman wants to hash over. And if it's not expressed in conversation, you read about it. I've come across blogs, papers, essays, forums, or whatever you can write on... and I've witnessed many a female inquire about "why do men do this, and why do men do that?" Well ladies... I think I have a scintilla of an answer.... Can you say EGO?

Yes that's right... the male ego. Big as fuck but fragile as hell (ain't that some shit?) They got all this ego.... but let someone challenge it or crush it, they ready to whoop ass and soothe their ego later. It's actually quite amusing and rather pitiful. I remember reading this girl's blog and she asked an array of questions, but the one that stuck out to me was one that I've talked about with my friends not to long ago. She asked " why do black men call women bitches after they reject their advances?" Well now you kno the answer... his ego was shitted on (HAHAHAHAHAHA! oh men... ur so effete). He's trying to deface you like you defaced him...but little does he know his words fall on stalwart ears. Yea... hearing that may rattle you a little but then you reflect and realize you're not a bitch... there are many aspects of your life that validate the fact that you're not one. There are countless examples of uncalled for behavior but i'm only going to express one more popular situation (I could be here all day talkin bout these niggas).

I think most if not all women have gone through this next one (if you haven't... just wait, it'll happen eventually); when a man asks you to have sex with him (or suggests it some other way) and you decline. Oh boy... you better watch out. I feel that's like the ultimate slap in the face for them. They put in all this effort, money and time into taking you out and such, being a gentleman (maybe) and then at the end of the night expect some ass... (boy please) I really don't know why that's the expected payback... you should be satisfied that I just took time out of my day to listen to you talk about yourself (awesome date). Anyways... this happened to a friend of mine, she refused to give up the poon, and the men retaliated by doing awful things to her. It's like they'll do anything to make you feel as bad as they do...but their ego can't be hurt too bad because they back at it the next damn day, terrorizing the next chick (or you). For lack of a better word it's frustrating.
Lastly, the thing that really gets me is when men have a wife or girlfriend, come home from work and expect that wife or girlfriend to massage his ego and calm his fears from "the big bad world." I know as a wife it's part of your duty to support and be there for your husband but damn... It's not like she didn't have a rough day either (more than likely it was worse than his). She's supposed to set aside her issues to deal with his issues.... I challenge men to get some mental toughness. Rejection is a natural part of life... when it happens, it's not the end of the world. That ego has got to go or it needs to be controlled... because the way things are goin now.... My Lord....

Unrealistic Expectations

As a child I was a huge fan of Disney movies. You couldn't tell me I wasn't Princess Jasmine... (that was my bitch). I had this undying devotion to them, anytime a movie came out I had to see it or I had to have it. I've seen the classics all the way up to the newfangled works Disney has created. But I believe the Disney movies people are most familiar with are: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, and Snow White (i'm not really a Snow White fan... it was quite boring and so was Sleeping Beauty). All these movies had the same underlying theme which included falling in love and having a fairytale ending.

Now... I didn't know any better when I was little watching these movies that things really don't happen this way. I just knew when I got older I was gonna find that Prince Charming... that Knight in Shining Armor (boy was I wrong). Some(I think i'm cuttin them too much slack) of these men/boys out here nowadays are the bullshit. You would never hear Eric say no shit like "when you gon' let me dig in them cheeks?" or find out Aladdin had three baby mommas, 4 kids and one on the way. I kno i'm exaggerating quite a bit and comparing real people with animations but, the animations are created by real people and so have human qualities. I'm not saying that they should just be outright offensive and just put anything up on the screen ( I know Disney has an image to keep up) but do all movies need a happy ending? Why do all the couples get together? As if life really works that way... there have been many men that I've met but ain't no sparks fly. There might have been a chase but in the end it was a waste of time (for me) because they usually ended up bein assholes. But, I'm not bitter... actually, I should have known better and listened to my better judgement. The women didn't look like me... they were all white (with the exception of Pocahontas and Jasmine but they weren't black either). When they finally had the chance to make one with Black people they make the movie about animals (great job Disney... I know they are coming how with one soon though). I should have known then there was no chance for me... which is fine.

As my final words I would like to say this.... FUCK YOU DISNEY... fuck you for giving me and many other innocent, naive children hopes that one day we would meet our Prince Charming, fall madly in love and live happily ever after. You have virtually ruined my love life and set a standard for 95% of men to fail.... Damn what would we do without you?

Another Angry Black Woman...

Or not... An angry black woman is one who finds out her husband has been on the downlow for most of their marriage... An angry black woman is one who's just found out that she's HIV positive from her boyfriend of 2 years... An angry black woman is one who walked in on her significant other cheating on her... An angry black woman is one who's been standing in line for 10 mins to have someone cut in front of her... An angry black woman is one who over hears someone talkin bad about her kids... An angry black woman is one who told her kids to clean the house, and then see that they made it worse...
....................These are just some of the many examples of what I think are the true definition of what an angry black woman is. Society tries to pin it as a woman who's just mad at the world because she can't get a good black man or says something if she sees a black man with a white woman(or whatever they can come up with)... If I may be so rude to interrupt this outslaught of beclouded thoughts... I'd like to challenge you with these ideas....
Black women today are caught in the middle of many exhausting situations. One is. there is a shortage of available black men for women who are searching for a companion/husband. So, already black women are at a slight disadvantage. And then to add along with that, there are more educated black women then black men. There's an idea out there saying that black women are too picky and that they've become so independent that they really don't need a man. Mmmm...maybe some woman are on that track but a lot of women aren't. There are plenty(PLENTY!) of black women who have Doctorates, Masters and Bachelors degrees who are with men who have a lower degree than them, or who have never graduated from high school. Another idea is that educated black women are the "pawns" of the white man, and that we are trying to undercut our black men. It is true that black men have it way harder than black women to make it in society...but that also doesn't give you the right to just make us your scapegoat, because we choose to capitalize on the opportunity that was presented to us. Isn't it obvious that things are harder for black men because they are seen as a threat? Ain't nothin scarier than an educated black man wit good credit, good morals, blah blah blah....(it's super sexy to me tho). Gettin angry wit us isn't goin to change your situation.... Another one is when white women aggresively go after high profile black men, they are seen as supportive and assertive. But let a black woman try that, and she's labeled as a gold digger. Is that not the same thing? And lastly... the most exhausting situation would have to be watching our black men, marry white women(to me that's the ultimate slap in the face). Not that i'm sayin interracial marriages/love/what have you... is wrong... it's just that if some people were really honest with themselves...is love really the reason why you married this woman?
So to sort of sum all this together.... angry.....ain't really the emotion portrayed here....angry has long since passed. I believe the correct terminology for this is FRUSTRATION (And it's understandable to see how you could get the two mixed up). What many people are used to seeing is the product of this frustration. I believe that black women are THE most loyal group of people out there... and it just sucks (it really really really sucks) that we deal wit this shit. There are just somethings that white woman or whatever was married... will never understand. There is a connection between black men and women that runs so deep that it can't be touched. And i guess we black women are just SO FRUSTRATED wit our counterparts because we feel that we are doing everything right, and we put our men on a pedestal but.... our black men just don't reciprocate. And I believe the most amazing part is... we still stand by you... frustrating right???

A letter...

Dear Concupiscence,

Me and you have had a fairly mild to moderate relationship... We didn't really get close until like a couple of years ago. In the beginning, you were around, popping up every now and then, but I kinda just brushed you off. I guess you got tired of me ignoring you, because you definately have made your presence known to me now. Instead of manifesting yourself in a tangible, in my face sense, you translated yourself into my surreptitious realm of creativity. It seemed as if you would visit me every night, sometimes twice. The more you visited me, the more and more I enjoyed you... waiting for you to come back that next day. Then, you surprised me one day while I was in class. Me and you had a time didn't we? I ain't learn nothing that day because of you (And I don't regret it either). From that moment on, you had become my favorite reverie. You never let me down... you always came when I wanted you, and you always delievered something oh so sweet. So, why am I writing to you now? Well... I just wanted to let you know that I acknowledge your presence, and that you are very mysterious yet highly appreciated. I know a lot of people despise you, because you have caused quite the problem with many people, having them make decisions that they shouldn't have, lookin at things they shouldn't be... sayin things they shouldn't be uttered... I can only respect the power you have over some people. The one thing I love about you most is that you don't discriminate. There isn't a person who doesn't know who you are.
Although I keep fighting you, it's an uphill battle that I feel I'm losing. I know one day your going to be so overwhelming that I'm just gonna stop trying and fall into you.... and I'm just letting you know now that I'm ready and can't wait. Until then, I'll be seeing you later....

Still Prevailing

I was watching the news today and they were talkin about a shirt that this guy in Georgia was selling. It was a picture of curious george eating a banana, with Obama in 08' underneath it. It caused quite the controversy, and it caused people to protest outside the store. Norman (the name of the owner) added fuel to the fire by saying "We're not living in the '40's. Look at him . . . the hairline, the ears — he looks just like Curious George." (oh yeah... he's also ultra conservative...hmmm) . So, this news reporter had one of the T-shirts, and was going around asking people on the streets if they felt the shirt was racist, or had a negative image protrayed. First it was this middle aged white man, and he didn't think it was offensive. He didn't see how it could be offensive (figures). Then these two black people said it was racist. And this other older white man said it was negative, and could be portrayed as racist.
To add my two cents to this.... I'm so disappointed and upset and just like all over the place with this. There is no way you could look at that shirt, and honestly think there is nothing racial about it. Everyone knows what blacks had to go through back in the day. The names thrown out at blacks, are well known. Some white people just piss me off, because they come off wit this bullshit ass excuse of "oh I didn't know/think that this would be offensive, I just thought it was cute or whatever." That's absurd. YOu kno that shit is offensive... WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU IN SCHOOL?? IN LIFE?? Ain't kno way you can't kno... so stop hidin behind this nonexsistent ignorance and step up to how you really feel. If deep down you are a racist, then so be it. Yea, its not socially acceptable, (and it shouldn't be) but i'd have a tad bit more respect for you if was just real about that shit. My thoughts are so rattled right now... I really wish I could of posted the pic of that shirt up here, but the website was being stupid...sigh

Creative Writing 101

I would like to give a round of applause to the musical artist who put their skills to the test, and come up with creative songs. There's nothing more refreshin then to turn on some music, and figure out what message is being conveyed, because they don't just come right out and say what's goin on. BUT (there's always a but), since these dudes nowadays are gettin smarter, it's makin it more difficult for us females to figure what the hell you trynna do, and to come up wit a decent lie to counter your suggestion(that is, if you want to counter it). In the song Dot Com by Usher, he says "Please, baby I got to see you, And I really wanna please you, So get on my laptop so I can download...." (Now, if that ain't some clever shit..) he also says "Baby, if you sign on I'ma make you light up Ooh, Baby, if you log on I’ll make you dot com..." (Whew... he better say that) imma throw this last piece in here too "Ooh, I love the way you dirty type I can take you home on escape Ooh, I need your backspace in my life Thank God you don’t have a flat screen..." So, lets discuss this... what you're tellin me is you want to..... have sex(Simple enough).
Another artist who is notorious for speaking metaphorically is the king, R. Kelly(cuz you kno we did remind him of his jeep). What women seriously wants to be thought of as a Jeep?? (could she be something more expensive? Whoever he was referrin to must have been one of them side joints) Anyways... he gets brownie points for being different. The song that really does it for me is Remote Control. He says "I'll be your remote touch me turn me on make me sing a song Now put me on slow.. Baby push enter now fast forward Girl you got me programed under your control Something about the way you turn it over and poke it out Said it makes me want to grab the remote and put that ass on pause..." I"m not even gonna further elaborate on that, the business is just laid out right there.
To sum this all up, ladies we once again have to step it up. No more can we be on our periods for a full month, have issues wit our hair, or whatever the hell comes to mind(At this rate we should be bald and dead). We also need to be on our toes. Read between the lines... But don't over analyze everything, cuz he might be speaking literally. Other than that, congratulations guys for catchin on and steppin ur game up. Thank you for making some females lives a little more difficult. You're the best :)

Inappropriate Idea

Are you suffering from the following?
1) weird, unexpected outburts
2) uncanny ability to make others uncomfortable
3) questionable, random behavior
4) acting innappropriately to simple expressions
5) or, not following the social norm set by God knows who?

IF you do, then you may be awkward....
ThaFinger is a quick and easy medicine, readily available to all who suffer from social awkwardness. There are unlimited doses, but it should be exercised at users discretion. Side effects may include:
1) overused joint
2) aggressive or unwanted responses
3) an ass whoopin
4) being more awkward
5) rejection from social crowds
6) loss of friendships

Using ThaFinger is not at all effective, and you will probably still be awkward afterwards(even moreso really), but it's just something to do. It's recommended that you NOT use this, but if you do, keep the side effects in mind, especially if directed at someone you don't know.
Being awkward is an inconvenience to others as well as yourself. So stop being awkward, cuz it makes other people uncomfortable. (wouldn't that suck if i ended it like that?)

**** When I first was called awkward, it kind of made me upset because when I think of the word, i'm thinking of this seriously neglected and rejected person who is BEYOND weird(I'm probably overthinkin it but whatever, that's how I operate). But, when I looked up the definition, it came to me that we are all awkward, some more than others, but nonetheless we all express awkwardness. Instead of awkward, I think something kick ass like profoundly beautiful or uniquely mistaken.... so next time awkward comes up, no offense will be taken, because it's a universal characteristic that we really kinda need. Normalcy is so........ awkward

Hmmmm....

Finally, I've become a part of this new trend of Blogging! (yay me!) And I must say that I've joined at a good time. Lately, disappointment has been ridin my ass some kinda hard these past two days... (And so begins my story...)

About ten mins ago I was checkin my email, and I happened to see something important had been posted. I'd been eager to see how my new found knowledge matched up with that vexation named test. Me wit all my confidence, opened that bad boy up and was pleasantly surprised with two unexpected and unwanted numbers. Being presented with these... fantastic numbers, I rewound time in my head to the day before, rememberin HEY... you just went through this same situation. SO here I am now, shattered confidence in hand, disappointment breathin down my neck, frustration taking over my whole being... I've takin two slaps in the face, and I have no more cheeks left for test to hit. I"m too through right now...

Who would have thought all this trouble was caused by one simple letter which is "A"